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About Varied / Hobbyist Member Ira T.Other/United States Recent Activity
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Hey guys. I know I haven't journal-ed for a while, and I'm sorry about that. I just haven't really been there enough for it, y'know? And I've been lazy. Sososososososososos SO lazy. So yeah.

Summer's been alright, although I still can't believe that I'm going to be a junior in just a few weeks. AUGH. I don't want to have to worry about stuff like jobs and internships and college and stuff. Nuuuuuuuuu.

Anyways, I actually wanted to post a long-winded thing here that I put on FB as well, just looking for opinions.

WARNING: LONG BORING ANNOYING SELF-ATTENTION POST. Read at your own risk.

Been wondering recently if I might be displaying symptoms of depression [at least, according to this page - psychcentral.com/lib/teen-depr… . . .

Frequent sadness/tearfulness/crying?
-Not the tearfulness or crying, but the site's note on morbid themes strikes a bell. Anybody here read "K A N J O U" yet?

Hopelessness?
-Not to the extent described by the site, no. One of the few listed "symptoms" that I can't think of myself displaying recently. I do have goals in life, you know. I guess I find too many things to be fascinating and/or interesting to become hopeless.

Decreased interest in favored activities?
-Yes, somewhat, though it can be passed off as 'boredom', 'you need to move around more', 'you should get out and do something', or 'lack of inspiration'.

Persistant boredom/Low energy?
-Seem to have been existent for a while now, though can always be passed of as a 'teen thing'.

Social isolation?
-I believe so - I don't interact much with my family [though this can be passed of due to the fact that my interests are so divergent from theirs; IE manga versus television], and there is only perhaps one person whom I have shared most of what goes on in my head with. [Codename:Saru, don't ask why.]

Low self-esteem/Guilt?
-Only since forever. I mean, unless you don't think hearing every comment about something you did wrong/forgot to do as translating to "FAILURE" is a version of guilt. Unless you don't think using "disgusting" as a go-to word to describe yourself as being a symptom of low self-esteem.

"Extreme" rejection/failure sensitivity?
-Did you read the above statement? If so, do I need to elaborate?

Increased irritability/anger/hostility?
-Not sometime I myself would notice, seeing as half the time our whole house has an air of irritability and/or anger to it that affects all of the occupants. We seem to tick each other off a lot.

Difficulty with relationships?
-. . . would this explain why I've claimed to need "breaks" from spending time with people? Perhaps. . . but not very relevant, as I still have every intention of retaining friendships with people no matter how much or how little time I spend with them.

Frequent complaints of physical illness?
-Not at all, one-day-a-month menstrual cramps aside.

Frequent absences from/poor performance in school?
-Since it's summer, this really doesn't apply.

Poor concentration?
-Actually, yes. I'd been feeling like I wasn't able to concentrate for a lot of the past school year, but it may just have been me spacing out more than usual. I AM a daydreamer, after all.

Change in eating/sleeping habits?
-Yes, though it is not major and is more likely to be because of the heat and my lifestyle.

Talk of/efforts to run away from home?
-No. What would that get me? Even though nowhere is safe, at least 'home' is safer than the streets.

Thoughts/expressions of suicide?
-Not really. . . I mean, I do wonder about it sometimes. Not suicide exactly, but wondering what would happen if I stepped in front of a train, per say, or what it feels like to OD. Just musings - coward that I am, the mere idea of death [specifically, of the entity that is "me" not existing anymore] terrifies me senseless. Suicide wouldn't be an option for me, not with so many stories left to write/draw/etc.

Alcohol/Drug abuse?
-No. Why would I do something like that? I see no point in wrecking my mind any more than it already is just to "escape". That's what I have the internet for, anyways.

Self-Harm?
-Does an Xacto knife count - y'know, the art kind with the plastic cap that never stays on? Good points: Doesn't hurt very much [good for the pain-haters, like me], closes up in under a day, and the marks last for about a week. Also, you can draw shapes! I tried a few kanji - 'winter', 'fireworks', 'love', 'death', and 'fire'. But you're less likely to draw blood with kanji/careful lines, so they're boring. You don't get much blood in general with an Xacto since the blade's so thin anyways.

But ah, none of that matters, does it? Because just about everything I've noted can be explained off as being 'teen stuff', or 'because of the weather', or 'stuff that just comes and goes', or 'just a phase'. Everything can just be explained away, and none of it's that important anyways. Besides, how could someone like ME be exhibiting symptoms of depression? The very IDEA is ridiculous. After all, I'm privileged with "an intact family, good grades, white skin, no abuse, no debilitating sicknesses, NO PROBLEMS". . .

So of course WHY IN THE WORLD would someone like me be DEPRESSED? I obviously don't have ANY reason to be upset, because obviously NOTHING is wrong with my life.

Okay, got pretty self-pity-preaching at the end. Sorry. Anyways, long post over. Any thoughts? Think it's all in my head? Think it's just a stage? Don't care? S'all cool. Ain't that important anyway. Just another long-winded musing, after all.

--------

So that was all of it. I guess I just mostly wanna know if anyone thinks it's actually important, or if I'm really just speaking loads of hogwash.

Also, if you want to know how the kanji turned out, I have photo evidence. 'Love' was hard - it's a fucking complicated kanji, jeezus! 'Winter' turned out fine though.

Anyways, enough of that! I hope you've all been wonderful, that your summers have been wonderful [assuming you are also in the Northern hemisphere of our planet], and that your lives will continue on and be wonderful in the future! :) Much love to all of you, and thanks for reading [if you did]!

Lots of love,

-Firetan
  • Mood: Angsty
  • Listening to: This Song Saved My Life [Simple Plan]
  • Reading: "Reading:"
  • Watching: Nothing.
  • Playing: Music.
  • Eating: Um, have you seen the time?
  • Drinking: Nothing!

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Ira T.
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Hmm. . . Are you reading this?

You aren't.

I can tell, because I'm just psychic like that.

But if you are, well. . . what do you want to know?

M'name is Ira - Nah, that's an alias [for now]. But feel free to call me that. Or Fire. Or whatever you want to call me, really. . . I'm an American teen in the Pacific Northwest, and I'm pretty much a huge introverted nerd. Manga? Yup. Anime? Yup. Fanfiction? Yup. Fanart? Yup. OCs? Definitely yup. Writing? . . . Well, you get the idea.

I'm really good buddies with some of the other peeps on here, as well, So :iconclockwork-incubus:, :iconphyschotronica:, :iconzedikiel-chathadrath:, :iconinkdeathspell:, :icongray-is-a-rainbow:, :iconoddpotato:, :icon8bitdoctor:, and :iconwhitexharexhunting: - you guys have all officially been promoted to sugar-coated marshmallow birds. So yeah, I love these guys. Clocks and Inky are my honorary older siblings, 8Bit is also honorary family, and I've known Physcho and Zedikiel since I was in Kindergarten. They all make me so, SO happy. If you're reading this, you should go check out their pages as well. *cueshamelessadvertising*

Hm. . . Oh yeah! I'm also SUPER into music! Like, it's my freakin' life. I love it. I listen to music nearly 24/7 (Which is kinda dumb, because my headphones aren't exactly comfortable and I tend to accidentally ignore people) - my life has a soundtrack, and it is AWESOMENESS.

If you ever wanna talk about anything for any reason, feel free! I love weird conversations - they don't have to make sense, which makes them amazing.

Oh, by the way?

I'm watching you.

Right.

Now.

~Fire-tan

P.S. - I LOST THE GAME.
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:iconseethroughthemist:
SeeThroughtheMist Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks for the faves~
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Xsign-of-fireX Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! [Sorry for the inbox spamming. . . >__<]
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:iconseethroughthemist:
SeeThroughtheMist Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Student Writer
It's okay, I'm happy someone likes my work so much to spam me XD
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:iconxsign-of-firex:
Xsign-of-fireX Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha, well that's good then!
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Yuleira Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for faving! :heart:
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Xsign-of-fireX Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!! ^^
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florinscale Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the fave!
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Xsign-of-fireX Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!!
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Natsuno-Yuuki Featured By Owner May 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for the fav and +watch ^^
:hug:
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Xsign-of-fireX Featured By Owner May 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Of course! :) Your cosplays are awesome ^___^
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